Current mood:

groggy

The doings down the Swamp
Tory spokesbatrachian Oliver Letwin has been secretly filmed outlining his plans if his palustrine party get their mitts on the keys to the pantry in the next election. He said he would combine the ages of everyone in the party and take that much off the budget for everything used by the rest of society.

'Education? Down the hatch, like this bun,' he explained, holding up a big cream bun with the letters EJUCA iced onto it in purple. That was gone in a twinkling, and so was the doughnut with SOCIAL SERVICES tricked out on it in jam. As he cantered around the room holding aloft a Battenberg cake with a little flag saying HEALTH on it, astonished economists (and let me tell you, it takes a lot to astonish one of those boys) heard him compose this ditty between big bites:

The working folk of Britain
Can blow all they like, but I'll be blowed,
If they any of them get half a farthing,
From voracious Mr Toad!

And Ken Livingstone has pledged that if reelected to Newt Hall he will round up all the cars in London bigger than an Austin 7, tow them out to sea, and scuttle 'em; so he has my vote.